Parenting

This past week we talked about parenting! Whew! I have taken child development classes and other family classes and I am always amazed at the vast amount of research that has been done on the topic. I've had to conclude time and time again that when we become parents we are just going to have to rely on the Spirit more than anything because there will never be a textbook answer for everything. We definitely could not cover all the bases in one week, let me tell ya. But it did get me thinking about some things.

H. Wallace Goddard in his book, The Frightful and Joyous Journey of Family Life, he talks about how he was sitting in a family and the presenter asked the audience what they would give their children if they could give them anything. Goddard says the presenter offered "self-esteem" as his answer.

I remember going through my tough teenage years and struggling with the concept of self-esteem. As a teenager, it was hard to believe I was of worth when I had my struggles with friends or with members of the ward my age. It was hard to feel valued during the struggle of self-discovery. It is natural to want to feel valued and appreciated. But I finally had to conclude that I shouldn't try to talk myself up to make myself feel better. It simply didn't work! Real value, I decided, was based on something a little more eternal.

I like how Goddard puts it: "We assumed that people with high self-esteem would be happier, kinder, and more productive. But I wondered: What if my son had great self-esteem, but he was a gang leader? What if my daughters had great self-esteem but they were cruel or careless people? I also wondered about many of my heroes who appear to have had poor self-esteem. Abraham Lincoln seemed to be filled with self-doubt, but he still served heroically. Enoch saw himself as powerless and unloved. Jesus did not seem to think about himself at all."
What a powerful statement! Even Christ--the most perfect of all men--gave glory to another. Constantly throughout scripture we hear the Savior giving credit to his Heavenly Father. If anyone had a right to boast (and I'm not saying any of us have) it was the perfect man who saved the world. The only man who will come to save it again.

Goddard says that he concluded that he wanted his children to be strong, yet compassionate. I think that is beautifully said. This is what I finally had to conclude those years ago. How could I really be strong? How could I build a foundation for my life? Certainly it couldn't be me. I knew I couldn't stand alone because "I [could] not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I [knew] that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm" (2 Nephi 4:34). I knew that the one thing I could count on was my Heavenly Father and his eternal truths. So I decided to rely on him. He promised me he would look out for me, and we have had a great relationship ever since. So with Nephi I cry, "O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation" (2 Nephi 4:30).

This is what I want to teach my children firstly. It is important that they recognize their value--for it is great. But I want them to know by what means it is great, how they may obtain their potential, and by what power it is made possible. This will make them stronger than any affirmation I can give them.