Reaction vs. Response

K, so I know the semester is over, but I was trying to explain something to my husband the other day and finally figured out how to say it (I hope...). I think it definitely pertains to family interactions.
Sometimes in our family we think in terms of actions and consequences. When a child is about to touch the stove we see touching a hot stove as an action and we see the child getting burned as the natural consequence that will be sure to follow. But if you are the parent about to witness the occurrence, you might try to prevent the pain to your child that would inevitably follow. This would be your response to the original action and you would hope that your response could carry out an alternative consequence. In a diagram this might look something like this:

Child: action>consequence
Parent: observing action>response>alternative consequence

Sometimes even in a marriage, child to child relationship, or even a parent to child relationship, this pattern may also be present. A family member may see a need for interference and may feel an obligation, or even a right to offer some correction. I hope in most cases this is a response to an action and not a reaction. A reaction would entail something antonymous to a response. In the case of the child about to touch the stove, the natural reaction would be to flip out and tell the child that it is a strong "no no" to touch the stove. The parent may even choose to give the child little spanks on the bottom as a good reminder that the stove is off-limits. The response, on the other hand, would be to tell the child that the stove is hot and should not be touched or they will get an "owie." The parent might even tell the child how hard it would be for him/her to see his/her little child get hurt. This display of love instead of fear might make an even longer lasting impression on the child.
The diagram for the reaction would look very similar to the response diagram.

Parent: observing action>reaction>alternative consequence

I recognize that this is a very simple example, but bear with me.
Notice that the reaction and the response could have had the same consequence: (hopefully) the child will no longer try to touch the stove. As both examples met the same end, they did not function the same way. Both courses of action on the parent's part (the response and reaction) were forms of correction, but the overall atmosphere of the incidents were very different. Nor was there an identical spirit about the incidents. The feelings were different. The mother who reacted may have been feeling frustration, stress, anger, impatience, etc. Where the mother who responded may have felt a duty to protect, patience, longsuffering, peace, and gentleness (fruits of the spirit: Galations5:23). Do you think that child can sense the differences in the home and in his/her relationship with his/her parent? Can't you see how a spouse who chooses to react instead of respond could damage his/her relationship with his/her spouse?
There are examples in the Book of Mormon where a whole group of people needed to act in retaliation to an opposing people. I am speaking about the war chapters in the Book of Mormon where the Lamanites and Nephites struggled for power and deliverance. I will site two examples where the Nephites battled the Lamanites and won (notice the same end was met by the same course of action), but the their attitudes were very much different.
The first is found in Mosiah 11. King Noah was sending armies out to defend his lands and drive the Lamanites out. The people drove them back for a time but were "lifted up in the pride of their hearts...[and boasted] in their own strength...and did delight in blood, and the shedding of the blood of their brethren..." How awful! They defended their land against their enemies but they LIKED doing it.
Next example. In the struggle between Moroni and Amalickiah, the Nephites took up arms in defense of their wives and children. In the ongoing war it says in Alma 48:23 that "they were sorry to take up arms against the Lamanites, because they did not delight in the shedding of blood; yea, and this was not all--they were sorry to be the means of sending so many of their brethren out of this world into an eternal world, unprepared to meet their God."
Do you think the two armies behaved differently? You bet. While one boasted in their own strength, the other boasted in God because they knew that "in his strength [they could] do all things; yea behold, many mighty miracles..." (Alma 26:12).
I hope we in our families can be like the second group of people. The actions were the same between the two people: they drove the Lamanites out. But HOW they did it and how the FELT while they were trying to defend themselves was completely different. Which set of people will stand more blameless before God in the world to come?
Even we, when we come across situations where we need to correct a loved one, defend ourselves from persecution, or even settle disagreements, I hope we choose to respond rather than react. I promise our homes will become more of a sanctuary and a place where the spirit can help us. As we seek for the right course of action with humble, responsive attitudes we will be inviting the very being who can help us the most into our homes.