Stone-walling

Again, my class is over, but I was discussing a concept with a friend and realized I hadn't explained it this way before:
"Stone-walling" is where in a confrontational situation your body get's "flooded." This is what most people see as anger or frustration. Your heart rate goes up, your breathing is faster, your hormones are raging. This is where the fight or flight "instinct" (for lack of a better word) comes into play. Some people choose fight. This can come out in words of criticism, blame, correction, etc. Or people can "flight." This can be physically or mentally running away. In most cases the person who is "flooded" puts up a wall of sorts where the "stones" cannot penetrate. They block out the offender. Though this is a defense mechanism (this is all very understandable that someone would react this way), it actually hurts their partner very much.

Why? All we "stone-wallers" are trying to do is get out of range from the offender's stones and arrows? How could it possibly hurt them? Because this communicates we "stone-wallers" are better off on our own. We would rather not work out a problem with them. We are opting to erase them temporarily. This hurts. See how that could be a problem?

The truth of it is, fight or flight reflects one thing. Resistance. It is natural. But our goal on this earth is to overcome what is natural and choose the higher road. So "stone-wallers", next time, if there is a conflict, stick it out. Even if you end up crying in front of your spouse. It is OK. The point is that it communicates something different to him/her. It communicates that you are committed and love them enough to work it out.